What do I think Jesus thinks of me?

What a difficult question to answer.  It almost feels like infringing upon God’s holiness to even venture a guess at the answer.  However, I find that it is mostly what my soul needs to settle upon.  If I could live in what Jesus thinks of me instead of live in what I think of myself or what I think I should think He thinks of me…now that would truly be living free.

Jesus says that I am His, that He has redeemed me.  But do I really live redeemed and do I really live for Him?  In other words, everything that has come before my complete submission to Him…every mistake, every wrong turn, every regret has been wiped away.  I am no longer the stained specimen I see myself as but I am washed clean, sanctified, and holy in His sight.  I wonder why I cannot live in that reflection.  I wonder what hidden lie of the enemy keeps me from walking in that truth at every moment.  How can He take my sin upon Himself and cast it away when I keep it ever before me?  What perfect beauty there is in knowing that it is nothing that I did or didn’t do but what Jesus did for me that makes me who I truly am.  He sees in me what I cannot see in myself because my spiritual eyes have not been fully developed.

He says I am His beloved, that I am perfectly and fearfully made.  Do I have the peace that resonates from a soul fully loved and perfectly made?  Every flaw and every defect that so often hinders me in my daily life has been put there on purpose and for a reason.  I do not need to be crippled by these things but only try to understand how God is using them to make me into the image of His Son.

Jesus thinks of me as His bride, as His child, as His friend, as His creation.  Does every relationship I have in my life make me aware of the depth with which Christ’s love permeates my identity?  Life is not about me and yet, so often, I act as if it is.  Everything God has allowed or not allowed in my life shows me how deep and precious and important my relationship to Him is.  So often I act as if I need to be the “perfect” spouse to please my spouse, the “perfect” parent to please my kids, the “perfect” friend to please my friend.  The truth is, all these things have nothing to do with my relationship with individuals but have everything to do with my relationship with Jesus.  The truth is that Jesus is pleased and I do not need to waste time “pleasing” everyone else since His opinion is the only one that matters.  Instead, I need to be available to Him so that He can minister through the relationships He has me in.  With every relationship, He teaches me, grows me, and loves me more and more so that I can love Him. When I live in love with Jesus, I am then able to love others.

A question that leads to so many questions and reflections about my relationship with Jesus-  Is it everything that it should be?  Probably not always, but I am content to know that though I see myself as a work in progress, Jesus already knows the finished product and He is accepting me with open arms.

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
Psalm 139:1-6